So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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