just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
