We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
