I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
