Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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