I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
