I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
