I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
