Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
