I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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