who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
