I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
