picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
