Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
