So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
