So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
birth control should be required to get into college
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
