Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
