she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
