i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
