I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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