if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
