We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
