don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
