"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
