I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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