This is not my ceiling
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize