yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
