update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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