My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
