Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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