My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
