i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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