Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
