So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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