dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she told me i tasted like america
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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