I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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