oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Randomize
