I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
