Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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