Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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