My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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