I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Even my vagina gasped.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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