We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
