wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
