Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN