I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.