Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.