brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom