I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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