I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This baby is an asshole
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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