Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
