It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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