with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
