He asked to "fluff my boner.."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
