you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
