you would pick up someone in the library
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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