I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
