I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
