I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
