I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
