Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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