exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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