My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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