i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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