Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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