We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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