my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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