So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Dicks are not precious.
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